My anger is back. The power… the bliss… adrenaline… I'm alive… I can breath again. It clears my head. My wife doesn't understand so I avoid her. My friends, specifically the new ones, absolutely know I need help. I don't need any help, man. I don't need anything but to be left alone. And if you come close physically or mentally, I will walk away. I don't want to hurt you, or me. I'm not in my twenties anymore. In my 60's now I can easily hurt myself if I loose control. Don't want that, now do we?
An elephant in musk best describes the feeling. Animosity, hatred is not a part of this high. People make the mistake of thinking differently, and indeed, guys in this state tend to fight and lash out in seemingly dumb / excessive ways. And forget it if you get a buzz on. That is stupid and frankly ruins a good time, every time. Teenagers do this. Their life is new. They have no idea, and most adult guys have been female-ized, or family-burdened to understand, let alone appreciate this male emotion. I think some criminals enjoy this power yet they can't keep it out of the dark side.
It took me 40 or 50 years to finally understand the joy of "in a state of musk." Oh man, it's the nexus, i.e., once you finally "get it" you want it all the time -- like this evening as I write. Wanting it all the time would also be stupid. Musk is best not shared and not stayed in for too long. Stay there, add a chemical and whamo! …instant criminal of the worse kind. I'm sure glad I finally understand this.
So you ask, "What triggers a state of musk?" Like I said, one should not have alcohol. That is probably the most common trigger, yet that chemical brings with it, evil. Trust me: been there, done that, not fun. I actually fear -- and I do mean fear -- ever getting there by accident. If you are one of my friends and for some reason you just happen to be around if this happens. Please stand by and be ready to take me down. I will be in denial. Don't trust anything I say. Please stop me.
Certain incidences may also trigger it yet these are usually associated with hatred, and you don't what that either. There are others, but the ones that kick my ass into gear are the deep passions associated with inequities or music. And the outward sign that I have become aware of is a sharp rise in tactile sensitivity. My skin starts to burn… in a very sensual way. And then odors and sounds rage… and oh yeah, I'm there, man. And then, oh yeah, bring it. I will win or gleefully destroy myself trying. No pain!
Like I said above, I am in musk right now. I'm controlled… no chemicals, music in my earphones. There were several triggers that happened throughout the day. Little by little it built. I could feel it coming on, and I didn't want to stop it. In fact I slid into it all day as it built and then maintained. Add some smooth jazz and writing all day and wow. The anger was nice and even all day.
What's it like? Okay, it's like your first four beers or half a pint of your favorite. You're into a buzz but you can still think. You may be able to have anger without the need for action, but with alcohol I doubt it. This is not musk… you're just drunk… but you get the idea. With musk, remove the alcohol, keep and enjoy the anger and add bliss… incredible intensity… and then look for a fight. Or, if you understand and appreciate its power, you control it, enjoy its warmth and clarity and nobody will know… if you stay quiet.
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